Top 5

As an adoptive parent I tend to find myself in the position of being on the receiving end of some really ‘interesting’ comments about my choice to build my family through adoption.  Nothing is off limits and questions come from close friends and strangers alike.

Here are the Top 5 winning questions (in no particular order) to date.

1.  Didn’t your husband want any children of his own?

This question was posed to me by a co-worker.  It was a slow shift and we were talking when I shared with him that I may not be around the office much during the summer since we were hoping travel out of state to bring home our second child.  This co-worker and I aren’t particularly close and to be fair he doesn’t know all the intimate details of my life.  However, the fact he assumed that the ‘problem’ was mine and that my husband (who was very much invested in the adoption process) would prefer ‘his own children’ totally rubbed me the wrong way.

2.  Do you have to give them back when they turn 18?

We have open adoptions with both of our daughter’s birthmoms.  A close friend of mine, upon hearing the news of our first daughter’s birth told me that she was overjoyed for us, that she had shared the news with her mother (I am close to the entire family) and that she had just one question for me.  What a winner it was!  She was concerned about the ‘open’ part of our adoption and wondered if we had to give our daughter back when she turned 18.  Somehow I can’t get my head around the fact that in her world I was going to do the raising of the chlid (hard part) and that someone else would reap the reawards.  Although given the cost of a college education these days, this arrangement may seem like a good idea to some people.

3.  How much did they cost?

Ahhh….the money question.  A rough poll I conducted of other adoptive moms in a play group I attend with my girls, proves the money question is a favorite of the the well meaning friend, as well as random supermarket patrons.  Got to watch out for the little old ladies who shop between 10am – 2pm.  As for me, it was a neighbor who first wanted to know. 

4.  Are you going to tell them that they were adopted?

Both of my daughters were adopted at birth.  We are the parents they know and love.  Of all the questions that I am asked about adoption and my family, this one really takes the cake.  I have been asked this question many times, by all sort of people, and it always amazes me.  Of course we are going to tell the girls that they were adopted.  In fact, they already know.

5.  Now that you have adopted, are you going to have some children of your own?

This last question was asked, oddly enough, by a couple who attended the monthly infertility support group that I run.  For the record, after almost 2 1/2 years of being a parent I have no doubts that these children are mine.  The love I feel for them is very real and they make my heart smile everday.